undo redo

Life changes, and there's nothing you can do about it.

When things do not go according to your plan, when you fail at something, or when the wrong or unexpected things happened in your life, by knowing that time heals or life constantly changes, you hope that someday all those wrong or bad things will be fixed.

You probably think that you do not have to worry about anything, but, to tell you the truth, sometimes, something that's been broken can't no longer be healed, even by the time.

I happened to believe that I would be able to keep this one thing even though there are times I know I should have let it slide out. It becomes so precious to me, as if it's growing up with me. The feeling of losing that warm feeling of companionship haunts me every time I try to let it go.

One day, on a valentine's day, I met this friend and ended up giving this precious thing to her. I never knew why, but I'm very sure that she will take a good care of it.

The first week was tough. I got my heart broken. I was busy asking myself 'why did I give it up so easily to her' that I barely sleep. The second week, I was busy trying to accept it and whispering to my own self that she is good enough, but then I found it hard to stop believing that I will do better, I can do better. The third week, I wanted it back. I just couldn't stop myself.

This friend of mine told me that she considered this thing as precious, and I could see that she takes a good care of it, even better than me, perhaps. The love she gives, the care, I can see it all, and at that moment, I'm all ready to let it go.

Few months later, I realised that never for once let it go. I'm used to the feeling of losing this one precious thing, but every time I come to think about it, a strange feeling creeps in, all the questions popped out, and it's tiring. Knowing that it's no longer mine, I wish I could undo everything.

but,
I forget that there's this 'redo' every time I 'undo' things. What's been broken may be healed, but it's  never what it was before.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 

(Rose Kennedy)