different kind of love

It is not a surprising fact that my mind works in such a strange way and it always gets worse the deeper the night becomes. At the same page, we know that people get more strange the deeper we get to know him/her.

Don't get me wrong, there are two different kinds of strange, the good and of course the bad. However, again, sometimes it is just a matter of perspective. It depends on the way you see things. Your definition of strange change almost all the time because you yourself always change. I learned it from someone I know that you should never complain whenever you find someone you know, someone really so very close to you change, because most of the times it only proves that you are changing as well. For every feeling and every event is mutual.

It is strange how this guy get nicer and nicer the deeper I know him. You may say that it is a good kind of strange, but I find it bad. When I am with him, I keep wondering if it is really okay for him to be this nice to me. We are a perfect match in every way which, I believe, what makes everything goes smoothly. He is proud of being himself despite all the visible flaws which makes him more lovable than ever. He is like a warm pillow I can always lay my head on and a sweet cup of chocolate who provides all the sweetness and laughs. Up to this point, you may wondering why I referred it as a bad kind of strange. To me, being too much alike with someone is scary and what he is doing now is even scarier. He told me he understands, he told me it's okay for me to be scared, he said he still hopes that one day, I will see everything from his point of view, that if I think we are too much alike, he wished that I'll be able to see that right now we are being totally different.

I hate his ability to read me. I don't like being vulnerable and all transparent when he is around. It is terrifying for no reason. But,

Being with him makes everything seems simpler, all the hardships are somehow doable, the sadness is bearable. I love him to an uncomfortable degree, to the degree where I really want to do things I never believe in. By staying this close with this someone, I am afraid that it will be too comfortable for me and I will end up justifying everything.

In the end, one day, all this worries will fade away. I have no clue whether I will be more sure or maybe I will just cowardly stop before it happened. The important thing is that I finally understand, every person offers different kind of self, different way of showing how much you are precious to them, different method of making you happy and grant all your wishes. Different kind of love, yes, but I will not miss the important point here this time. It's still love and that's what matter.